How to Rediscover Yourself After Life’s Biggest Changes

These last few years have taken a toll on a lot of us.

If you’re anything like me you’ve probably gone through some major shifts in almost every part of your life. From career, location, family, marriage, or children. It may feel like it’s happened all at once and one day you wake up and you realize you’re not the same anymore.

You may be wondering how to reconcile the old you with your new life, and the new you and the future you want to build. Rediscovering yourself in the midst of major life changes isn’t for the faint of heart. It would be easier to try and numb yourself to the process but you’re here because that’s not the type of person you are.

As hard as life’s challenges may be you find yourself again and again trying to face them with as much strength and grit as you can muster. 

Your efforts are not in vain, every step taken in pursuit of your true self and your calling are not wasted, even when the fruits of your efforts are not visible. In this post, I want to walk you through some keys to keep in mind as you learn how to rediscover yourself after life’s biggest changes. 

Why Big Changes Shake Our Sense of Self

Are you ready? 

That’s the question that comes to mind when I think of the moments before any major event that has occurred in my life. Whether that was graduating high school or college, going on that first date with my now-husband, preparing to welcome my children into the world, or making our first big move as a family. 

I’m sure you’ve been asked that question too. But you never really know the answer until you get to the other side.

It’s almost impossible to know the answer to that question because not only are you stepping into a new season of life, you’re also stepping into a new version of yourself that you just don’t know yet. And those big changes in our lives can shake our sense of self because of the person you’re becoming you’ve never met before. You don’t know how they operate, you don’t know the loss they’ve overcome or the battles that they’ve had to fight. 

And when you go through these transitions it can leave you feeling unsteady inside. Who am I now? Am I doing the right thing? 

The questions that can ring through your mind can leave you feeling unsure and shake your confidence in who you are. I think to a degree women who are constantly pursuing growth and faith feel that on some level they know who they are, but when life shakes you up and gives you something unexpected, that confidence you have can be tested. 

Moving into new seasons of life can disrupt how you see yourself. Many of us don’t know how much of who we are is informed by the environment or people around us until that environment or those people change or leave. Then you have to wonder was that really me or just the place that I was in? 

When you get married and that natural separation happens between your family of origin as you and your husband become one, it can be painful to see yourself becoming separate from the thing that held you together for so long. 

If you have lived in one location your whole life or had the same group of friends, seeing yourself apart can feel unsettling, like you don’t know yourself anymore. And there the rediscovery begins, because God made us each in a unique way, and the core of who we are as individuals transcends what we are used to.

Just because something is familiar, doesn’t make it the best for us.

What was important in one season may be a hindrance in another. 

Walking through that process that God wants to take us through will only take longer the more resistance you put up. Change isn’t easy, and neither is rediscovery. But there will be signposts along the way telling you that you are headed in the right direction. 

The Key Steps to Rediscovering Yourself

Step 1: Reflect on Who You’ve Been

One thing that I love about the Bible is that we have the opportunity to see how people’s lives progress. We get to see how they started and who they started as but I think sometimes we forget that they were living in the present much like we are. They had no idea how God would shake up their lives and how much they would change over time. 

I want you to take some time to reflect on the most recent or most impactful transitions you’ve gone through in the last few years or just the last few months.

Think about the person that you were at that time. What did you value the most? How did you think about the hard things that you went through? What did you believe about the blessings that came your way? 

Taking the time to reflect is one of the most important things that we can do. It is difficult to truly understand how far we’ve come or how much we’ve changed without taking a look at the past. 

I wholeheartedly recommend taking up the practice of journaling. It’s one thing to have these thoughts and memories swirling around in your head but it takes a new form and provides new insight when you can see them on paper. 

Part of rediscovering yourself is not just about how you were but also knowing how you think. Thinking about the way you think seems a bit redundant, but observing yourself in your own mind can lead you to new insights about yourself that you wouldn’t have discovered otherwise. 

Step 2: Embrace Who You Are Now

Now here comes the hard part. 

Not judging yourself. 

Rediscovery can be brought to a grinding halt by judging yourself and how you may have changed. 

I think the world has a lot to say about self-acceptance, and I don’t think they get it right most of the time. But it is crucial to acknowledge and to accept where you are now before you can ever get to the future. 

For example: I have never liked the color pink. My whole life I was adamant that my favorite color was blue, teal to be exact, and would refuse to wear or use the color pink in any scenario. Now this might seem trivial but the point is self-acceptance right? This goes for every area of our lives. 

In December I was doing my annual trip to pick out my new journal for the year and as I walked down the aisle in Target my eyes stopped on this pink journal. I picked it up, I liked it even more, the texture, the tone of the pink, everything. And then I asked myself, why do I like this? I have never liked pink. And for a split second, I considered getting a journal in blue or gray because that’s what I’ve always done.

But I stopped myself short, and said, if I like this pink journal, that’s okay. I don’t need to judge myself for that, I need to accept that my tastes have changed. Now, that’s not to say I’m going to run out and buy a whole new wardrobe in pink, but just that small moment of acceptance brought something new out of me. Instead of confining myself to how I’ve always been, I allowed myself to be open to something new. 

That is a very small example but this is the acceptance that I am referring to. Practicing self-acceptance deliberately in these small moments or larger ones propels you in your rediscovery. 

Maybe you will realize new boundaries that you need to set or have set in your life, maybe the hobbies or interests that once took up so much of your time you realize you don’t love anymore and you want to try something new.

Maybe the career path you have been on will need to pivot or the priorities you had before you became a parent are not the same since bringing your child into the world.

You can fight it, and challenging those things is not a bad thing, but trying to force yourself into a mold that doesn’t fit anymore will only leave you feeling disconnected from who you truly are. 

Step 3: Dream About Who You’re Becoming

The next step is to truly reflect and think about the person you are and want to become. I believe that God puts an inkling in our hearts about the kind of person we need to be and the type of life we are to lead.

A lot of us spend time thinking about what our calling is and what we’re supposed to do. But you can spend a lot of time chasing false leads unless you know who you are and who you’re purposed to become. 

How you view your future self informs the actions you take now in order to become her. 

Take some time to visualize your future self. Who is she? What character traits does she possess? What kind of habits does she have? 

Now ask yourself, what is it that you are doing now that will lead you to becoming that person? Rediscovery and change don’t happen by accident, and yes, there are circumstances that God will use to get us there but we must be active participants in our own transformation. 

How Faith Guides the Process of Rediscovery

It would be easy to say just to follow the 3 steps above and you’ll get everything you ever wanted. But the truth is, we take most of the steps on faith. 

We don’t know how they are going to turn out. 

One day David was minding his own business tending some sheep and then next he was anointed to be king. From then on, regardless of the circumstance he found himself in, he moved in a way that was aligned with who a good king would be.

When he was still tending those sheep, he was protecting his subjects. When he spent time with God, he was gaining wisdom to be a great leader. 

You may have to pivot 100 times before you reach the destination you want to go to. You may go through heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment, and uncertainty on your road to rediscovery. And the wild part is, that rediscovery never stops. 

You will always be leaving and entering new phases of your life in multiple areas of your life. So reflecting on the past, embracing your present in a non-judgmental way, and dreaming of your future will become a life practice. And trusting that God is leading you down the right path, will always be a constant partner in your journey. 

Practical Tools for Rediscovery

My number one tool for rediscovery will always be journaling. 

There cannot be enough said about getting your thoughts out of your head and down on paper where you can see them. Not only can that bring immediate clarity, but you will be able to see how you’ve changed and what God has done over the years if you commit to that practice. 

Sometimes we need a little guidance in rediscovery and also believing more about ourselves and what God has for us. The book Believe Bigger by Marshawn Evans Daniels is a great place to start.

The author went through a painful transition but allowed God to use that to rediscover and rebuild who she was. If you need a book recommendation that can be a great place to start. 

Time can seem to be in short supply so making the time for reflection and learning can seem difficult to find. There are ways to get creative, such as listening to podcasts or books in place of music or doing certain chores. Instead of scrolling on social, take some notes on your phone of different things you are observing about yourself, a digital journal works just fine too!

Finding what works for you is part of the process as well. I used to use a physical planner to organize my life, but I found that this season that doesn’t work for me anymore so I just use my Google calendar for everything. 

You can try something for a few weeks, but if it doesn’t seem to be working, it’s okay to pivot. 

If you find yourself bucking up again some deeper hurts or issues, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Sometimes we need an educated, objective third party to help us see ourselves more clearly, and that can be a powerful tool as you spend your time rediscovering yourself. 

Conclusion

Rediscovery is a lifelong process that will take consistent action and faith to see through.

Taking the time to reflect on your past, accept yourself in the present and dream about who you want to be in the future is an endeavor worth taking on. Even when life’s transitions rock our world more than we’d expect our faith is there to sustain us, even when it may not feel like it. 

What’s one thing you’ve discovered about yourself after a big life change? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!