Why Your Couch is More Important to Your Marriage Than You Think

More Than Just a Missing Couch

We never expected that selling our couch could change our relationship, but it did.

A few months ago our family moved to a new state and we sold our couch, expecting that we would soon make a purchase for our new place.

Well one month turned into 2 and 2 to 3 and now here we are 3 months later finally getting around to making that happen. But what was more unexpected was how not having a central meeting place would effect our relationship.

Last night my husband and I discussed how we feel sitting on opposite sides of the room trying to have intimate conversations with one another and we realized how much having a couch meant to us. Not just for the practical purposes of having a place to sit, but also having a place to connect.

Maybe you’re like us and have never considered this before, but is your home set up in a way for you and your spouse to connect with one another? 

The Accidental Experiment: What Happened Without a Couch?

To understand our current seating arrangement let me paint a picture. In our living room I have an office chair that I use when I sit at my desk, and my husband has been using our nursing chair as a place to relax, in between us is our twin toddlers playpen that we talk over at the end of the day. 

All this can seem very minor but day in and day out those times that we have to connect with each other are met with a distance that wasn’t there before. And I didn’t know how the power of simply being able to sit next to my husband on a daily basis, even if we weren’t saying anything.

There is power in proximity that I wasn’t aware of before and now our urgency to find a couch isn’t just about having more seating options, its about having our place to strengthen our relationship. 

Actually the whole reason it was brought up was because we have been trying to watch a movie together for the longest and it’s felt awkward trying to do that separately and together. 

Those little moments of connection add up over time. And sometimes you don’t realize how powerful they are until they are missing. 

Why Your Couch Might Be the Secret to a Stronger Marriage

Maybe this is something that you haven’t considered before: being close physically to your spouse can help the emotional space between you start to close.

There can be so much that keeps you separate throughout the day, working a full-time job, parenting, keeping house and so much more.

You have so many responsibilities that can take up so much of your time and energy and before you know it your relationship with your spouse can feel more like roommates and co-parents than lovers and partners. 

Having a dedicated space for you and your spouse to connect is never more vital than in the busyness of life. For us we realized it was the couch, for you it may be the front porch or the kitchen table. Wherever it is let that be a meeting place to reconnect, to laugh, to cry, to vent or to simply say nothing but be in one another’s presence. 

A lot of times we can get wrapped up in the larger displays of affection. Whether that be planning date nights, buying gifts or going on a trip. You may think that then you’ll finally be able to focus on one another and reconnect. But the intimacy in our relationships are built in those small, daily moments.

It is in those meeting places where our marriages are renewed and our emotional connections are strengthened. 

So what comes to mind when you think of a meeting place where you and your spouse connect? 

The Hidden Relationship Impact of Your Home’s Setup

I want you to think about the current environment that you live in, and is it set up in a way to prioritize you and your spouse. I know there are seasons of life where it can seem like everything and everyone else gets to be the priority but you and your spouse are the foundation of your home.

So, what do you have set up for you? 

We’re in a season of life right now with 1-year-old twins and it can feel like their “stuff” is everywhere, and when you have kids it can feel like your relationship is taking a backseat to all of their needs.

It is not easy keeping little people alive and thriving day in and day out so this is by no means a call to perfection, but rather a little nudge for you to pick your head up and really consider the space and time that has been created for you and your spouse. 

I don’t want to look up in 10 or 20 years when the kids are all grown and realize that I don’t know my husband any more. In order to prevent that I have to make room daily, even if it’s just a little bit to reconnect with each other. 3 years ago we stood at an altar and chose each other, but that choice is made every single day. 

Creating a Space for Connection in Your Home

So consider this, where in your home do you and your spouse connect the most? And I don’t mean in passing in the bathroom.

Where can you and your spouse take the intentional time to spend together? How can you rework what you are currently doing to pay more attention to each other? Can you eat your meals together without Netflix?

Maybe you need to give the scrolling a break in the evening and plan a small activity together? Or maybe there are some tough conversations that you’ve been putting off and the emotional distance is getting larger the longer you wait. 

These small, daily moments of reconnection add up and are the fuel for a healthy relationship. 

I suggest you pick a place. Maybe you’re in between couches like we are but you can still designate a time to meet together. 

Nowadays nothing gets done with it being on our calendar and maybe that doesn’t sound very romantic but if that’s what you have to do, then do it. Put a meeting time and place on the calendar, set a reminder and meet there for intentional time together. With kids, honestly, it’s probably your best bet. 

Whether that is watching a movie or listening to a podcast, reading together or spilling the tea about each other’s day – if you need to, schedule it. Better something scheduled than nothing happening at all. 

Maybe this will call for some furniture to be moved around, or the laundry schedule readjusted. Whatever it is, make room, and you’ll be glad that you did. 

It’s Not About the Couch, But What It Represents 

So even though we are couch-less right now, we’re doing the best we can. My husband slides the nursing chair up to my desk and we sit together. It may not be ideal, and we’re definitely going to fix it soon, but recognizing the distance was the first step. 

Remember it’s the small, daily moments of intention that go the distance and it’s in those moments that the bond between you and your spouse gets stronger.

I’d love to hear below, where in your home do you and your spouse connect? Do you have a ‘meeting place’ like a couch or a favorite spot? Or is this something you’re realizing needs to change? Let’s talk in the comments!”